Review: Transformers

It was the early 90's.....around January, when my addiction became evident. My mother and I were walking around downtown Newark, waiting on the bus to head back home. We stopped in a few stores. In one store...right there....staring....taunting me.....calling me.......was the Optimus Prime action figure. YES...THE Optimus Prime action figure with the trailer that could hold one of the other cars and transformed into his legs. I was SO in heaven......yet the devilish greed in me HAD to have that toy. I craved...NO...I LUSTED for that toy. But my demonic want was sent to a screeching hault with 7 words that would soon be her most used statement to me in malls and toys stores: "No, I am NOT buying you that!!!" And so my dream was crushed.

Fast forward to January 22 of the same year...it was my birthday. I was dressed up in my birthday suit....I had family and friends over.....I was (for lack of a better word) that NIGGA that day. After everyone sung the birthday theme song we got along to the best part of the evening: opening gifts. I open one....a sweater. I open another.....some other LAME toy. I looked around....no more gifts. DAMN!!! As I sat in my Autobot birthday hat, I glanced over my shoulder to see everyone with cameras raised.....and my mother and father bringing in this enormous wrapped box...."YES...one more gift!" This next moment in my life will forever be my FIRST most HAPPIEST moment in life that all other "HAPPIEST MOMENTS" have to rise above. I tear off one piece of the Transformer theme gift wrapping only to see black....the next piece seemed showed an "T" and from that point forth, I have no memory as to what happened except for what I see in the pictures of my party's paparazzi....because ladies and gentle....it was indeed...The Optimus Prime action figure. If I could curse and had the ability to kick people out....it would have been done....because that was the show folks...I was on Cybertron with the leader of the Autobots, fighting my imaginary enemy, Megatron. (Stay with me folks)

Fast forward to June 28, 2007....Atlanta, GA. The Optimus Prime action figure is LONG GONE out of my life. That moment is nothing but memories and Kodak moments. However, I could feel my body enter into the same frenzy felt on that HAPPIEST MOMENT of my life as I sat in a movie theater at a special screening of Transformers: The Movie, next to a white man I've never seen and my roommate, Star......and I watched a red and blue 18 wheeler roll to a stop....and transform into the alien being known as....OPTIMUS PRIME. Yes folks....all of that to say this....TRANSFORMERS IS THE GREATEST FUCKING MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

There is not ONE dull moment of this movie. The 23-year old Douglas Rogers is not writing this movie review...NO FOLKS. The person writing is the 8-year old, Lil Dougie from Newark, NJ in his Optimus Prime color birthday suit. So my advice....go see that fucking movie. ASAP. Thats all I have to say about that movie.

Lil Dougie.